Monday, May 12, 2008
Interview-Enjoy : You all must read this ..... :)))))))))))))))
Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication
engineering from Baban Rao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.
Interviewer: Baban Rao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never
heard of this college before!
Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission
into it. What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! In
12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I
prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money". (The
baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I
had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name - Baban Rao
Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.
Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your
engineering.
Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you
know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis
tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd
year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.
Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try
to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches
really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.
Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.
Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!
Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I
would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking
for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some
relative.
Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education
itself was so much of pain!!
Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have
you worked?
Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current
platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then.
As you can see I have experience of different platforms!
Interviewer: And which languages have you used?
Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, and English. By the way, I can keep quiet in
German, French, Russian and many other languages.
Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher
version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new
language VD!
Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the
language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.
Interviewer: What is your general project experience?
Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of the times
they are in pipeline!
Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since
joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that
Bench was another software like Windows.
Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult.
I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for
International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important -
I know few words like - 'Showstoppers ', 'hot fixes', 'SEI-CMM',
'quality', 'version control', 'deadlines', 'Customer Satisfaction' etc.
Also I can blame others for my mistakes!
Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have
deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt
and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to
avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2
months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But
considering the fact that there is a world cup in West Indies in 2007, I
don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and
don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?
Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our
organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before.
Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication
engineering from Baban Rao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.
Interviewer: Baban Rao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never
heard of this college before!
Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission
into it. What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! In
12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I
prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money". (The
baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I
had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name - Baban Rao
Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.
Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your
engineering.
Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you
know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis
tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd
year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.
Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try
to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches
really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.
Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.
Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!
Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I
would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking
for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some
relative.
Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education
itself was so much of pain!!
Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have
you worked?
Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current
platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then.
As you can see I have experience of different platforms!
Interviewer: And which languages have you used?
Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, and English. By the way, I can keep quiet in
German, French, Russian and many other languages.
Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher
version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new
language VD!
Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the
language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.
Interviewer: What is your general project experience?
Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of the times
they are in pipeline!
Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since
joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that
Bench was another software like Windows.
Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult.
I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for
International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important -
I know few words like - 'Showstoppers ', 'hot fixes', 'SEI-CMM',
'quality', 'version control', 'deadlines', 'Customer Satisfaction' etc.
Also I can blame others for my mistakes!
Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have
deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt
and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to
avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2
months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But
considering the fact that there is a world cup in West Indies in 2007, I
don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and
don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?
Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our
organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Joke - Mother knows!!! Gud one..
A 3 YEAR OLD
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother who
is four years older than I am. I was maybe 3 and a half years old and had
just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken among other
injuries.
Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one
of my favourite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening
news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought
Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of
tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made
her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it
was 'just the cutest thing!!'
My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea
for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then she says to him, 'Did it
ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is
the toilet??'
....Mother knows!!
WACKHY daffynitions!
* Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
* Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
* Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
* Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
* Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
* Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
* Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
* Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
* Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
* Father: A banker provided by nature.
* Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
* Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
* Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
* Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.
* Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
* Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
* Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
* Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
* Experience: The name men give to their mistakes..
* Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
* Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise after death
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