Speech by Bryan Dyson (CEO of Coca Cola)

"Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them-Work, Family, Health, Friends and Spirit and you're keeping all of these in the Air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball.

If you drop it, it will bounce back.

But the other four Balls - Family, Health, Friends and Spirit - are made of glass. If you drop one of these; they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for it.

CID crime scene -

LADY : Rahul mera bhai tha!
DAYA : kya!? Rahul tumhara bhai tha!?
LADY : Ha...Rahul mera bhai tha.
ACP : Rahul sach mein tumhara bhai tha ?
LADY : ha sir...wo mera hi bhai tha..
ABHIJEET : oh my god! iska matlab..
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Tum Rahul ki behen ho?

Rajnikant-----

When Rajnikant was studying in 3rd std....some1 stole his rough note....&
Now they call it as .............Wikipedia

Crazy people!!!! ;)


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When Rajnikant was a Student…!!!

Teachers use to Bunk the classes!!!

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Rajnikant started college. All student were confused while taking admission because name of college is
“Rajnikant’s Medical College of Engineering for Commerce”.


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Rajnikant purchased a road roller…


Guess why??????


To Iron his Clothes……………………………

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Rajnikant was shot today..
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Funeral of the bullet is tomorrow…:D


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Once a farmer replaces scare crow in the farm with Rajnikant’s statue…

..And Birds returned grains they took last year as well

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If Rajni works in BPO, clients would work in shifts! :D

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Rajinikant got 150 questions in exam paper asking - "Solve any 100 questions"

He solved all 150 and wrote, " Rascalla!, CHECK ANY 100!"

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One day Rajani thought to play cricket in monsoon and rain stopped due to play….

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Tonight at 9 Rajani can be seen in the sky… as he is participating in the Asian Games’ high jump event…

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What do you think Vodafone 3G tag line should be :-
Faster ..
Better…
RAJNIKANT….


No it should be (strictly)

RAJNIKANT.
RAJNIKANT..
RAJNIKANT…

Mind it
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Rajnikanth's next project is the Titanic in Tamil. However, Rajni has twisted the climax. Both the lead actors survive. Rajni swims
across the Atlantic Ocean with the heroine in one hand and... the Titanic in the other

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“Rajnikanth doesn’t breathe…air comes to hide in his lungs”

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“Who says the world will be destroyed in Dec 2012…..Rajnikant just bought a Laptop with three years warranty”…..:P
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Rajni can walk faster than light….

“Rajni cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another”.

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Law of Conservation of Rajni


All scientists failed to answer this but rajnikanth did...
Ques: Which liquid turns solid on heating?
Ans: Dosa... mind it!!!
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Once a photo of Rajnikant was given for Xerox. Don’t even try to guess what happened…
We got two copies of the Xerox machine.


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One more:

Once upon a time
Rajnikant used Tooth Powder to get strong teeth

Today that powder is known as

“AMBUJA CEMENT”

Health Tips

Health - Important Tips

Answer the phone by LEFT ear
Do not drink coffee TWICE a day
Do not take pills with COOL water
Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm
Reduce the amount of OILY food you consume
Drink more WATER in the morning, less at night
Keep your distance from hand phone CHARGERS
Do not use headphones/earphone for LONG period of time
Best sleeping time is from 10pm at night to 6am in the morning
Do not lie down immediately after taking medicine before sleeping
When battery is down to the LAST grid/bar, do not answer the phone as the radiation is 1000 times

Forward this to those whom you CARE about



Best wishes for a Good Health.

Excellent

Five cannibals (Man eaters) get appointed as programmers in an IT
company.

During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our

team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company

canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees".



The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.



Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very

hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers

has

disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The

cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer. After the

boss

has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of

you

idiots ate the developer?"



One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader

Of the cannibals says: "You FOOL! For four weeks we've been eating team

leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed

anything,

and now YOU ate one developer and it got noticed. So hereafter please

don't eat a person who is working."

Relatives IN and OUTSIDE India

Relation	In India	Outside India
Mother-in-law	A woman capable of making your life miserable.	A woman you never fight with, because where else you will find such a dedicated baby sitter for free ?
Husband	A boring human species, who listens more to his mother than you, and orders you around to serve him, his parents and siblings.	Still boring, but now a useful human species that comes in handy when the house needs to be vacuumed.
Friend	A person whose house you can drop into any time of the day or night and you'll always be welcome.	A person whom you have to call first to check and make sure he is not busy.
Wife	A woman who gives you your underwear and towel when you go to take a shower.	A woman who yells at you not to leave tub dirty when you go to take bath.
Son	A teenager, who without asking will carry your grocery bags from the market.	A teenager, who suddenly remembers he has lot of homework when you start mowing the lawn.
Daughter	A lovely doll, who brings tears to your eyes during her marriage.	A lovely doll, who brings you to tears long before her marriage.
Father	A person you are afraid of, and who is never to be disobeyed .	A person to whom you pretend to obey, after all he is the one paying your college tuition.
Indian Engineer	A person with a respectable job and earning lots.	A person without a secure job, who always dreams one day he will be rich.
Doctor	A respectable person with OK income.	A money making machine, who has a money spending machine at home called 'doctor's wife'.
Bhangra	A vigorous Punjabi festival dance.	A dance you do, when you don't know how to dance.
Software Engineer	A high-tech guy, always speaks in American accent, always anxious to queue in the consulate visa line.	The same hi-tech guy, who does Ganapati Puja everyday, and says 'This is my last year in the US (or whenever)'every year.
A Green Card holder bachelor	the guy can't speak Hindi, parents of good looking girls are dying to hook him, wears jacket in summer, says he has a BMW back there.	the guy can't speak proper English, wears jacket all the time, works in a Candy store at Manhattan , dreams of owning a BMW

Anger and Love

While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 yr old son picked stone & scratched lines on the side of the car. In anger, the man took the child's hand & hit it many times, not realizing he was using a wrench.





At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures. When the child saw his father....



With painful eyes he asked 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?'





Man was so hurt and speechless. He went back to car and kicked it a lot of times.

Devastated by his own actions...... sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches, child had written 'I LOVE YOU DAD'. The next day that man committed suicide. . .



Anger and Love have no limits; choose the later to have a beautiful & lovely life....



Things are to be used and people are to be loved, But the problem in today's world is that, People are used and things are loved .......

Credit card fraud

Please find the details as follows.
On 21^st September 2008, near about 1.15PM to 1.30PM, I went to Shri Seva Petrol pump. I filled around 12 liters of petrol. I have used my ICICI Debit card to make the payment. This debit card has Red colour and does not have any personal information like Name and Photo of the customer. It contains only card number.
When my turn came, there were two guys who assisted me to fill the petrol. When it was done, I took my bike aside and went to the guy who was having my Debit Card. I signed on the acknowledgement slip and handed over the slip to him. Since I was in hurry, I did not notice the card which he returned to me. This card which was given to me was similar to my card, so assuming that I got my card back, I left the place.
In the evening, I was shocked when I got an sms on my cell from ICICI bank informing me that one transaction was made of Rs.4000/- and this amount was debited from my savings account. Soon after I called the customer care and asked them to block my Debit card. By the time, it was very clear that somebody was misusing my card and was doing the transactions.
I went to ICICI Bank, SB Road Branch to know more details about this and about the customer whose card was returned to me by that petrol pump assistant. I met the guy who was belonging to that card. When I discussed with him, I got to know that the same incident has happened with him also. He was given somebody else’s card and a transaction of Rs 1500/- was made from his own Debit card.
From these incidents, it seems that someone or a group of people are deliberately replacing the debit cards and are misusing the same at the same shop. This has happened twice in last 5 days. There can be more victims which may have cheated the same way at this petrol pump.
So if you are giving your card (Debit/Credit) to any one for swiping, please confirm if you have got your own card or not.
Also please do not fill petrol at this petrol pump so that such kind of incidents will not happen forever.
Please forward this information to your friends so that they will also know the fact.

Sardarji

Jokes :

2 sardaron ko 2 bomb mile,
1st Sardar: chal police ko de k aate hain.
2 sardar: agar koi bomb raaste me phat gaya to?
1st sardar: jhoot bol denge ki 1 hi mila tha

Sardar 2 doctr: Mujhe 1 problem hai
DR: Kya?
Sardar: Baat karte waqt aadmi dikhai nahi deta
Dr: aisa kab hota hai?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt

Man: Sardar jee aap ko garmi lagti hai to kya karte ho?
Sardar: AC k paas ja k baith jata hun
Man: Agar phir bhi garmi lage to?
Sardar: To A/C on kar leta hun

A sardar prays daily for 2 hours,
"He Vahe Guru meri lottery lagade."
After 11 years Vahe Guru angrily appeared & said,"Khoti de puttar 1 vari ticket to le le"

Ek sardar ki chatri me hole tha,
kisine pucha, umbrella me hole kyun?
Sardar bola, Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega

Hitler says,
"There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary"
Sardar says: Ab bolne se kya faayda? "Jub kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na"

Sardar: Yar mujhe 1 hathora or keel chahiye computer k lye.
Sales man: Magar computer me inka kya kaam?
Sardar: Oye yaar mujhe computer me windows lagani hai.

1st sardar: oye agar neend na aaye to kya kia jaaye?
2nd Sardar: Neend ka intizar karne se achha hai ki banda soo hi jaye

1 sardar rail ki patri per so gaya.
1 aadmi ne kaha kya kar rahe ho? Train aayegi to mar jaoge!
Sardar: Mere uper se jahaaz guzar gaya to kuch nahi hua, train kya cheez hai?

Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phaasi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Police: Kyon hasn rahe ho?
Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hun.

In bio practical:
Examiner: Tell me the name of this bird by seeing its legs only?
Sardar: I don't know.
Examiner: You r failed, what's your name?
Sardar: See my legs & tell my name

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How to identify a Software engineer?

How to identify a Software engineer?

1. He/She never bargains... No wonder things have become so costly!

2. When a cab/bus passes by and you see all the commuters in it are

sleeping like they haven't slept for years...

3. Dilbert or Calvin is their favorite cartoon...

4. Words like issues, tracker, raising requests, buzz/ping, compile,

delete [unlike erase or rub it off], onsite [n not abroad is what

'foreign land' is called] are the ones that would be used by

'default'...

5. Weekends are holy words... they are like a salvation one seeks for...

6. "Wazzzup", "Hows life?", are few obvious questions one will be

greeted with which would be immediately followed by "how's work?"

7. Salaries, work etc are always better or in good shape in other

companies than the one he/she is currently in...

8. They don't send or take things... they always forward them!

9. Drinking coffee is the most pleasurable thing they think they do in

the entire day...

10. They seek a search engine in just almost everything they do... When

I forget where I have kept my things at home the first thing that comes

to my mind is "I wish there was a Google search for my room".

11. Mondays are always blue...

12. All of them will have a dream to do something in life and that

something would never be what they are doing right now...

Keep the change

Delhi...ultimate must read

Increase My Salary

Employee: Boss, Now i have got married..! Please increase my salary..!

BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occuring outside thecompany..!

Only Boy

Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says
"To the only boy Iever loved.!"
Girl: Thats good, Give me 12 of them..!

Happy Ganesh Chaturti

Har IT ki kahani,,,

Bench pe Bench,
Bench pe Bench,
Log paglon ki tarah training mein raat raat bhar padhte rahe
Aur unhe mili toh sirf Bench !

Algorithm ka Analysis karte karte unki khudki life ban gayi ek unsolvable algorithm
Aur unhe mili toh sirf Bench !
Training ke baad proj milega,
phir appraisal hoga,
phir onsite jaoonga ..
Isi soch mein logon ne training clear kar di
Aur unhe bhi mili toh sirf Bench !
Bench par baithe baithe log khud ban gaye hai ek bench,
Phir bhi unhe mili toh sirf Bench !
Chaddha samjao ise....
Coding karne ke liye jo jigar chahiye hota hai ..
wo kisi bazaar mein nahi milta...
Coder use lekar paida hota hai....
Aur jab yeh Java ka code kisi Dotnet wale ko karna pad jata hai na,
Toh coder uthta nahi,
balki is duniya se ..
uth jaata hai............
Bazaar main aise code bahot milte hain,
lekin unko chalane k liye jo seena chahiye hota hai..
Wo ek coder lekar paida hota hai ..!

Jokee.. hahahah

Jailor: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha
Jailor: Kyon has rhe ho? Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hu

Joke...

DAD:U HAVE TO SCORE 90 % MARKS...

SON : DONT WORRY DAD,I WILL GET 100 % MARKS.

DAD:MAZAK KYU KARA RAHA HAI BETA.?

SON:SHURU KISNE KIYA THA?

Something Interesting

Kindly Calculate,

(13837) X (Your Age) X (73) = ?????

'STOP' Please